From Pippa, to Elena
Dearest Bells
The single most important truth I wish I had known and lived when I was younger is that the most important love is the love you give to yourself. When we love ourselves, we build ourselves into the most incredible women, we inspire and encourage others and we will succeed in whatever area we choose. Loving yourself builds us into the best partners, friends, parents, colleagues and employers. Loving yourself is a gift to those that love you now and in the future.
My younger self lacked that love and self-belief and lost who she was, trying hard to fit in. She was very vulnerable, destined to seek ‘love’, affirmation, acceptance from external places that were often limiting or damaging in the long run. I was bound by ‘should’; you should be able to do that, you should be like…, you should want ….you should be ….This was painful because I never met the criteria, and was never meant to; turns out I have ADHD.
I now understand I was not made to fit in, that I have been given a brain that stands out, which you share too. Accepting myself, acknowledging and owning who I am has been the most wonderful experience; my hope is that for you the road will not be as long.
Us ADHDers are the most fabulous friends; caring and loyal, understanding and accepting; we KNOW what is to be a good friend to others, but we often find it hard to turn that inwards, to ourselves. My younger self was judgmental, criticising my ability, my decisions, my hopes and my appearance. When I made a mistake, was criticised or rejected I was angry and frustrated that I let it happen, I blamed myself. Now, when things do not go my way, I try to be gentle, consciously talk to myself with compassion, kindness, generosity, and forgiveness exactly as I would a friend. This has taken me too long to appreciate, but I see you being your bold beautiful self, choosing carefully who to spend time with, people that lift you and love you as you are, and I hope you are ‘ahead of the game’ on this on, resisting the urge to ‘people please’ to fit.
My hope for you and all young women – ADHD or not – is that you love yourselves, you listen to your own inner voice, which will lift you and encourage you to follow your instincts, values and ambitions; that you feel free to be yourself. Chose those you spend time with wisely, those that are on the same journey and love you are you are, without conditions. I now have a tribe of family, friends and connections ‘that get me’, accept and love the woman I actually am. They sustain me on my journey and when I lean into them, I find strength and comfort. It gives me joy to hear of your relationships with people that ‘get you’, that share your interests and passions, your sense of humour and energy. Keep choosing wisely.
You gave me the gift of motherhood, and seeing you grow into this remarkable young woman has been the joy of my life. You are clever, you are courageous, you are generous, you are compassionate, you are beautiful and bold – long may it last! My wish for you is to become the best version of yourself, that is the ‘sweet spot’ where you will continue to shine my sweet Bells.
Love Mama
Pippa Simou
Founder & CEO of The ADD-vantage
