Nobody Will Tell You This But Me, by Bess Kalb

When it comes to books, there isn’t much I love more than a memoir that tells the story of human survival – across the ages, how one individual, either through direct action or circumstances outside of their control, can influence generations to come. Throw in 4 generations of strong women, the immigrant struggle, Jewish humour and you have a book that speaks to my soul.

No One Will Tell You This But Me is a memoir of sorts – Bess’ beloved grandma Bobby recounts their family history, from the pogroms in Russia, their journey to America, her difficult relationship with her own daughter, Bess’ mum – all from beyond the grave. Yes, you read that right, stick with me – it really is a unique approach. Bess had saved real voicemails, notes, pictures – and used them to channel the voice of her deceased grandmother. The humour, the denial and eventual laying bare of one’s shortcomings are so real, I felt like I knew her grandmother. As the story gently unfolds, you can feel the love they had for each other through every page. It really is a homage to their unbreakable bond.

This book put me very much in a pensive mood. Lockdown and not being able to see family and friends certainly added to it, but it also made me think of how we all have a long family history – complex, bittersweet, fascinating…stretching way back. Who in our past has influenced who we are today? There were so many lives and stories that were as real as ours are right now, but yet they vanish. And although we may not be able to recall them, are they still here – like Bess’ beloved grandmother – eternally entwined in our lives? If so, our very existence and our actions will reverberate through future generations. Will our descendants be who they are because of us and if so, it makes me wonder how much of life really is autonomous. But that’s a different book, right?

Written by Irene Winning @bookclubherts